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May, 12, 2014

Unleash your “inner hoe” – and own it

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Name: Tomisin Akins
Tomisin's Full Profile

So I put a one-pound coin into the vending machine downstairs and pressed the diet Coke button (obviously because there was no full fat Coke left to my disappointment) and out pops a bottle of orange Fanta. That was heart breaking. The inner beast of the vending machine was probably laughing her dusty ass off at my look of shock/pain; she had released the mini-beast that is Fanta. Somehow I started to think of how very similar this machine was to a friend of mine. She’s sweet, really the loveliest person (just like the vending machine, full of goodies and treats) but her inner hoe-ability (well, Fanta) is on levels I cannot even bring myself to quantify.

Photo By Phoebe!

Photo By Phoebe!

Ho(e): A woman or man that f**ks anything with two legs.

This lovely evening I want to briefly talk about the inner hoe vs. outer inner hoe “issue”. Everyone has an inner hoe/slut/freak. This is a platform where I can express the truth and how I feel so you can’t even try and counter this in any possible way. You cannot tell me that as a teenager, given the opportunity, with the right time, place and under the right conditions, you wouldn’t do some of the freaky things you think about. You my darling reader, have an inner hoe, burning to be unleashed.

By Sean McGrath

By Sean McGrath

It’s the honest truth. You want to feel that sensation your inner hoe puts on your brain, you just think it’s “hoe-ish”. And, if you don’t know, boys can be hoes too and it’s all right. I’m not trying to promote nympho-ism or satyriasis (which by the way is a woman and man, respectively, that eats, breathes and thinks sex) but people are different. Some people show their inner hoes to different degrees, which then makes people perceive them as (outer) hoes. Let that inner freak loose (in a sensible and smart way of course).

Uh, so the next thing is someone comes to tell you you’re a hoe. Eh, oh well. If they can name at least 3 guys/girls you’ve slept with this year already… then sorry yeah, but you’ve got to accept it. Own it. You have to believe in whatever you do. If what you can do is be a hoe, darling reader, you better own it. What would be completely devastating, is if everyone knows you’re a hoe but you’re actually a scarps hoe.

Photo By Hermetic Hermit

Photo By Hermetic Hermit

You can’t decide to be something and be rubbish at it, it doesn’t benefit you in any way, and in fact you might as well not even do it, especially women. I talk a lot about women being independent a lot, mostly because, obviously I am a woman myself (doh!) but I cannot bear to see a woman that is weak in this time where women are allowed to do so much. Be great ladies, don’t allow some man with a rod no longer than my hand (even if it is longer too…) take away your independency no matter his status, because nobody is allowed to do that to you. Play to your strengths, own your strengths, let everyone know that you own your strengths but don’t forget to keep your head up and stay lady-like.

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