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Articles > Life April, 02, 2014

My most embarrassing drunk experience

Gregor McCann
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6.38 / 10

Sometimes I get blackout drunk. I know I should know my limits and stick to them, but every now and then I forget that and think pounding fifteen Jägerbombs is a good idea. Of all the things that have ever happened to me, one night was by far the most embarrassing. What follows is an account of that night as told to me by my friends and the circumstances in which I woke up.


Photo By Chris Fane

We were ‘pre-drinking’ at a friend’s house. All I can really remember is looking into my friend’s eye as I laughed and poured two shots of vodka into a pint of cider and downed it. Then everything else is black. Apparently we went to the club and I was ‘slut dropping’ and drunkenly texting a girl who I was seeing at the time. We’ll call her Susan. Then we danced and drank more. I don’t know if this is true but my friends told me I downed eight shots of Sambuca while people at the bar cheered. That could be bullshit.

Photo By Simon Thomas

Photo By Simon Thomas

Finally Susan came out and we were dancing and kissing. She was very drunk as well and according to onlookers we looked absolutely disgusting as we ate each other’s faces. Sometimes when I’m drunk I lose all awareness of my surroundings and I seemed to think we were in her bedroom because I was really ‘going for it’ (as my friend put it). Apparently I was begging her to take me back to hers (pathetic, I know) and after a few more drinks she agreed and we stumbled off into the night.

Photo By Dmitri Korobtsov

Photo By Dmitri Korobtsov

To properly understand how it felt waking up let me describe what I felt and thought. The first thing was, “Where the hell am I?” And the second, “What is that sticky feeling around my legs?” I had no clue where I was. I didn’t remember the club. I didn’t remember seeing Susan. I was still a bit drunk, but I was aware that Susan was carrying her sheets out of the room and looked rather annoyed. That confused me until I looked down. My legs were sticky and there was an odd smell. I had pooed myself in her bed.

Photo By Practicalowl

Photo By Practicalowl

She poked her head in the door and said, “I’m going for breakfast. I’ll be back in half an hour.” We both knew this was her way of giving me a chance to clean up. I used her bathroom and showered the poo off my legs. It had crusted by now so it took a damned long time. Then I scrunched my underwear up, put it in the bin and put on my jeans without them.

I wanted to run away then, but I had no idea where I was. I didn’t even know how to get out of the building. So I waited for Susan to return. She didn’t say anything and just sat down at her desk and started doing some drawings for her art coursework.

After that we watched a film – all the while knowing how disgusting the situation was but never addressing it – and then I left. It was only when I was home I realised I had no idea where my phone was. I had my bus pass and keys but not my phone. To this day I don’t know what annoys me more: pooing the bed or having to buy a new phone.

Anyone else got an embarrassing drunk story with the courage to let it out? Comment below!

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  1. sdfdsf

    let me tell you my story and you’ll stop worrying.

    Well it was eventful. It started at the club, I was drinking Vodka and Jager bombs. I was hitting on random girls and mostly being told where to go, aparently I was punched in the face but have no recollection of the event. After leaving the club I went back to my house and broke into it despite the keys being in my pocket. I had some friends over to stay although they were not in the house so i went back out. Then the police picked me up in the street for being drunk, I told them I was going home so they let me go, but i carried on into town.

    I went to another bar, tried to hit on someones girlfriend in front of them and told the bouncer he had a knife, I was thrown out of the club and arrested again but thankfully the police dearrested me as one of my friends calmed them down. I then tried to hit on her. She left and I was on my own again.

    I got a taxi home despite living only round the corner and had a massive row with the taxi driver, I threw up and then pissed myself and he dragged me out of the car. I can’t remember what happened or if I was beaten up or not..

    By this point my phone, my wallet and my keys were all gone so I pissed myself again. I decided to go back out to another bar. My memory of what happened is even more vague, but I was told the next day that I was talking to the local transvestite and telling her she was the fittest girl in town.

    I went back to my house at 8am, my neighbors were all awake and furious, the police were there. I was arrested on the spot and taken to a police cell, I decided it would be a good idea to piss on the bed and then sleep in the piss, so I did. The police thought my behaivour was so bad that instead of getting a fine for drunken disorderly behaivour I had to attend a court which was 300 miles away. The hearing lasted 2 hours where a police officer painstakingly read a conversation word for word which I’d had with the police. I was fined for drunken and disorderly behaivour.

    My friends that had come to stay over had to sleep in their cars. They all blocked me on facebook and never spoke to me again so I’ll never know what I did to them.

    The hangover lasted for 7 days, by day 3 I was covered in hives and ulcers and was violently throwing up. By day 4 I was googling suicide so my friend took me to the doctor. My doctor recommended that I get a HIV test, he actually thought I had HIV!

    What then ensued was 6 months of absolute worry and sheer panic. I was tested for HIV after 1 month, then 3 months and then 6 months. Thankfully it was all negative.

    1 month after the event, my stool samples came back and I had in fact caught food poising. I don’t even remember going to the restaurant, but aparently I was barred from there and warned that if I ever went anywhere near there I would be killed.

    The event happened over 2 years ago and still people who don’t even know me mention it. It was only a few months ago on top of everything else I was lectured by a checkout girl in front of everybody for smashing up the pub toilets, again I have no memory of this whatsoever. I still get evil looks from strangers today and people who say “do you not remember what you did?” and I just say “I don’t want to know”.

    At one point I was actually contemplating moving to another town. I don’t know what’s worse the fact I can’t remember things or the fact that there are actually youtube videos of me filmed by completely strangers saying “do you know this person”.

  2. Amina Said

    Getting drunk sounds like a nightmare

  3. Sian Williams

    hahahahahahhahahahaha hero!

  4. harvin

    ahahahah NOOOO efin way , i havent really bothered to get drunk yet but when i do , i sure will share my experince ahah

  5. Gregor McCann

    Before anyone calls bullshit on this – I can assure you that it’s all true and it was bloody horrible.

    • Brad

      All this from the guy who abhors LADish behaviour. I smell double standards, and shit.

      • Gregor McCann

        I do hate LAdish behavior when it involved sexism and ignorance and hatred. Fortunately, this involves none of that.

    • Michael

      No shit dude 😉