Wherever you go in the world, every lads holiday always has the same familiar faces. No matter who you travel with, you can pretty much tick off the classic characters of the typical boys’ trip away. You know – from the organiser clutching his folder of check-in print outs to the boozer who’s half cut before you’ve even boarded the flight.
Over the years I’ve spotted these chaps on countless trips – and I’m sure you have too. So below are 15 types of blokes you get on a lads holiday. How many will you recognise?
1. The Organiser Lad
He’s the bloke at the airport dishing out the boarding passes he’s printed at work and stuck in a folder. On the plane he leans back on the seat and barks out the day’s plan like that school teacher who tried to be everyone’s mate in class. But all in all, every lads holiday needs an organiser because who the hell wants to have to sort all that out.
2. The Ladies’ Lad
He can be a mate of a mate lad or just a generally pal who steps into this mould but whoever does will have form and know he’s good. He’ll be a lady magnet for the rest of the group and break the ice with the opposite sex with ease leading everyone to nod and agree that the fella has graft.
3. The Fighter Lad
He’s a danger on a trip – but can also come in handy if you’re the one suddenly in the middle of a Latvian ruck. The Fighter Lad can be calm as anything dry, but get a few jars down him and one spilled drink, nudge on the dancefloor or wisecrack in the kebab queue could be enough to send him windmilling into whatever comes his way. Expect torn shirts and claret.
4. The Peacekeeper Lad
He’s the one with his arm round the foreigner with the bloody nose or the cop wanting details of what happened. He’s the guy who rings the landlord or smooths it over with the hotel when you’ve smeared the loo with sick or broken an antique coffee table and are being threatened with eviction or worse. He’s a wise old bean so let him do his thing. He’s like a hostage negotiator this Lad.
5. The Soft Drink Lad
He’s the fella who refuses to drink before the flight out, or when you land, then takes it easy because he’s ‘pacing’ himself. Do one! The thing with the Soft-drinker lad is you have to remember his soft drink on the round and order it on the end as if you’ve brought your nan on the lads holiday.
6. The Strip Club Lad
He’s done his research and knows where the nearest red light district is. He’s early to test the water with his fellow lads to work out who might fancy an after hours dip into the rippers. He won’t go alone. He’s no stranger to a night at the pound-a-pot back home – and chances are he has a missus who’s utterly clueless about his naughty habit.
7. The mate-of-a-mate Lad
He’s the rogue operator. Can work one of two ways. He’s either a top lad who slots in like a dream early doors or he’s a nightmare, off his nut by 6pm, having to be taken home and generally being a 24 carat liability. That’s the gamble with an unknown quantity.
8. The Romantic Lad
He’s the kind of bloke who falls in love with a foreign lass on the first day, then spends the rest of the night and the trip with her, as if he’s come away with his missus. He’ll be sat in the corner pouring out his love for the lass while the rest of the boys are serving him abuse from the opposite side of the bar. Expect tears on the way home before he forgets and returns to normal life.
9. The Married Lad
He’s sometimes a safe bet for the whip and the organiser role – but can very easily hold multiple Lad titles, including Romantic Lad, Ladies’ Lad and Strip Club Lad. After all, this is a lad off his lead.
10. The Oversteps-the-mark Lad
He’s going to be a funny b*stard but make sure you aren’t in the firing line. He’s liable to shock with the kind of behaviour normally reserved for private schools and rugby club end of year parties.
11. The Early-Night Lad
He’s always the first to leave and could well slope off early without even saying. You get back to the hotel and find him a kip and listen to his poor excuse for vanishing. But deep down you know he just flaked and this is backed up on the second night when he does the same. Why come, mate?!
12. The Tourist Lad
He’s downloaded the Apps and already has in mind a few places he wants to visit that he read about online. He wants pace himself in the day and see a few sights, taken in a few galleries because he doesn’t want to booze around the clock. Let him do his thing and meet him later.
13. The Dad Lad
He’s a familiar face on stags – and rightly so. But can also be spotted knocking about with the younger fellas on a a lads holiday or sports tour. He’s a cheeky f*cker who can hold his own in both the boozing and the banter. But be warned as he can also wear many other Lad hats at the same time – especially the Early-Night Lad.
14. The Hungover Lad
He’s a right mess every day, morning and night – and if he’s the mate of a mate it’s even more of a ball ache. This Lad can’t keep his booze down on the night or the day after. Very likely to chunder at the morning breakfast carve up of the night before. Who did what, who ended up where. He’ll be head down, taking deep breaths, before throwing up. But give him credit where credit’s due, he’ll be back on it.
15. The Gets-his-knob-out Lad
He’s usually all ball and no tool but that doesn’t stop him flopping out his old boy all round the clock. Goes hand-in-hand with public p*ssing so be careful if you’re walking or standing downwind of him. And be careful if he asks you if you like roses. You might well look down and find he’s clutching his scrunched up chap in his hand as a gift.
Dave is a Graduate panel member and blogger from LadsHolidayGuide.com