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Articles > Relationships September, 05, 2016

Let’s Talk About Exes Baby… Or Not?

Sophie Sharpe
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The treacherous territory of the former partner. A subject many people prefer to bury under the rug with the other corpses of regret. I myself have no problem talking with my significant other about exes. Not everyone feels the same, however…

couple sitting down talking about exes

Photo by UnknownNet Photography

Talking to your current partner about ‘the ones who came before’ can be unpredictable, like a minefield pretending to be a meadow. Something might blow up. Even so, it can be one of the best ways to cement your relationship and, although right now you may not be convinced, I implore you to read on and let me change your mind.

Before we begin, there are a few things to consider. There may be a reason your partner hasn’t brought up this subject first – you never know what they might be hiding in their past. Maybe they’ve been abused or maybe it was just a messy breakup. Be aware of who you’re talking to. Odds are you know your lover very well so you know how to talk to them about this. If you don’t, then it may be too soon for this conversation.

Tricky conversations such as those about exes are an important part of getting to know someone. That being said, no matter how well you know your significant other, you can’t always predict their reactions. Different personalities respond in different ways, so what blows up one person may not necessarily blow up another. Although some people handle the topic in a cool, calm and collected manner, others may get jealous, or even a little emotional.

Make sure you handle the subject with extra care. Make it clear to them that your exes are in the past, and that they are your present and the future. Even if you think it’s silly, understand that people feel things for a reason, so you should respect those feelings.

“Communication is key – I can’t stress it enough. This conversation can be the biggest thing in the world for some people, and not even worth mentioning for others”

It is not something I understand, the obsession with other people’s exes, but if your partner easily gets jealous or is a bit sensitive and you are still determined to talk about this, then be tactful, don your armour, and always expect the unexpected. Uncertainty is the name of the game. Are you ready, player one?

But, wait – pause the game for a moment. Are you even ready to talk about this? If your partner is the one to initiate the conversation and you’re not ready, don’t fret. It’s okay to be nervous, or even scared. Like I said before, there may be things you don’t want to talk about. It might be embarrassing, or painful, or even worse. If you don’t want to talk about it, you should say so and if they really are the one, they will support you. However, sometimes you have to take a step towards the dragon, even if there is the possibility of fire. It isn’t going to slay itself and you’ll have to do it at some point, so why not now?

Ultimately, this is your choice. The main message I’m trying to get across is this: be cautious, and think. Should we be having this conversation now? Are they okay with this? Am I ok with this?

Communication is key – I can’t stress it enough. This conversation can be the biggest thing in the world for some people, and not even worth mentioning for others. But I feel it is important. It can clear the air, give you and your partner a better understanding of each other and  bring you closer together. Even so, it is entirely dependent on the relationship, and how strong it is. I leave the final decision to you, reader.

Just watch out for mines… and dragons.

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  1. account

    Me and my boyfriend used to talk and tell each other everything since we were close friends. I used to be in a relationship with someone, and everything went bad, but i used to tell him everything. The thing is, since I was a kid I’ve tried to be pretty sincere and honest, and that’s what I think is the key of a long-lasting relationship, So no I do not find it hard to talk about my ex with my boyfriend.

  2. Hope

    In my opinion, everyone has a history and for this reason, the couple has to talk about the past if they want to have a perfect future.

  3. Anonymous

    I think if you are just getting into a relationship, don’t mention the ex straight away. However if things are going well, do bring it up – clear up that conversation. That way you have got it out the way and your new “bae” knows that you are over the ex. It’s comfort for them and for you.

  4. Vikas

    I think…we should share everything with our partner because if he/she is understanding and respectful then they will not get jealous and all. But also your partner will love you more and trust you more because they know you trust them more. So we should forget our past and move on. Always live happily in the present with our partner not in past. Rilesionship and believe is part of life

  5. doisyilruacbvrtacuyzxzsed

    i think that it should be something to be talked about if it is mentioned. sometimes it can cause a negative presence between the couple. not talking about exes when brought up can also cause some awkwardness and trust issues seeing as the couple wont share their secrets between them. if one does not want to share then they should not give a full answer like a white lie to settle the tension between them and will keep a respectable relationship but sometimes if your partner asks you about your past you are not obligated to reply

  6. ashish

    I think…we should share everything with our partner because if he/she is understanding and respectful then they will not get jealous and all. But also your partner will love you more and trust you more because they know you trust them more. So we should forget our past and move on. Always live happily in the present with our partner not in past.

  7. Ananya

    we should share everything with our partner because if he/she is understanding and respectful then they will not get jealous and all. But also your partner will love you more and trust you more because they know you trust them more. So we should forget our past and move on. Always live happily in the present with our partner not in past.