The treacherous territory of the former partner. A subject many people prefer to bury under the rug with the other corpses of regret. I myself have no problem talking with my significant other about exes. Not everyone feels the same, however…
Talking to your current partner about ‘the ones who came before’ can be unpredictable, like a minefield pretending to be a meadow. Something might blow up. Even so, it can be one of the best ways to cement your relationship and, although right now you may not be convinced, I implore you to read on and let me change your mind.
Before we begin, there are a few things to consider. There may be a reason your partner hasn’t brought up this subject first – you never know what they might be hiding in their past. Maybe they’ve been abused or maybe it was just a messy breakup. Be aware of who you’re talking to. Odds are you know your lover very well so you know how to talk to them about this. If you don’t, then it may be too soon for this conversation.
Do you find it easy to talk about #exes with your current partner? 💞
— OpinionPanel (@OpinionPanelEd) September 12, 2016
Tricky conversations such as those about exes are an important part of getting to know someone. That being said, no matter how well you know your significant other, you can’t always predict their reactions. Different personalities respond in different ways, so what blows up one person may not necessarily blow up another. Although some people handle the topic in a cool, calm and collected manner, others may get jealous, or even a little emotional.
Make sure you handle the subject with extra care. Make it clear to them that your exes are in the past, and that they are your present and the future. Even if you think it’s silly, understand that people feel things for a reason, so you should respect those feelings.
“Communication is key – I can’t stress it enough. This conversation can be the biggest thing in the world for some people, and not even worth mentioning for others”
It is not something I understand, the obsession with other people’s exes, but if your partner easily gets jealous or is a bit sensitive and you are still determined to talk about this, then be tactful, don your armour, and always expect the unexpected. Uncertainty is the name of the game. Are you ready, player one?
But, wait – pause the game for a moment. Are you even ready to talk about this? If your partner is the one to initiate the conversation and you’re not ready, don’t fret. It’s okay to be nervous, or even scared. Like I said before, there may be things you don’t want to talk about. It might be embarrassing, or painful, or even worse. If you don’t want to talk about it, you should say so and if they really are the one, they will support you. However, sometimes you have to take a step towards the dragon, even if there is the possibility of fire. It isn’t going to slay itself and you’ll have to do it at some point, so why not now?
Ultimately, this is your choice. The main message I’m trying to get across is this: be cautious, and think. Should we be having this conversation now? Are they okay with this? Am I ok with this?
Communication is key – I can’t stress it enough. This conversation can be the biggest thing in the world for some people, and not even worth mentioning for others. But I feel it is important. It can clear the air, give you and your partner a better understanding of each other and bring you closer together. Even so, it is entirely dependent on the relationship, and how strong it is. I leave the final decision to you, reader.
Just watch out for mines… and dragons.