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Articles > Relationships November, 29, 2016

Why I Refuse To Lose My Virginity

November, 29, 2016

Charissa Lawrenson Youth Panel member. Member since September 2016.
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I’m 24 and I’m a virgin. Turning 25 is a big milestone. It’s the age when the world starts asking questions: “Why aren’t you married?”, “Why don’t you have kids?”, “Why don’t you have your own house yet?” What they don’t ask is, “Have you had sex yet?” It’s just assumed everyone’s done it. Well, I haven’t, and I’m perfectly happy with my choice.

Some might tell me I’m missing out. Others actually applaud me for it. Some assume I’ve just had no opportunity. But other people’s reactions aren’t what this is about. There have been many times when I could have lost my virginity, I was in a relationship for four years, but he respected me, my beliefs and my decisions. That’s not to say it was easy to resist the urge – it wasn’t, and I came pretty close to breaking my decision several times.With such a level of trust between us, our eventual break-up was naturally really hard. However, it made me even gladder we didn’t have sex. I know that would have made it even harder for both of us.

Why do I choose to be a virgin? Well that’s the crucial point: I have a choice. I am a free human being. It’s not because of any religious reasons. I am a devoted Christian, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have sex because “I’m not supposed to”. It means that I want to honour those I love, particularly my future husband!

“Treat your bodies like a holy temple because you were bought at a high price”, the Bible says. I know the value of myself and I know that good things come to those who wait. I’m not saying I find it easy to remain a virgin. I’m not completely frigid. I’ve kissed boys; I even kissed all the boys in my English class once.

However some guys just don’t understand my limits. One time I got stuck in an elevator on New Year’s Eve with a guy, and, both of us being drunk, it turned into an ‘I’ll stroke you if you stroke me’ situation. He wouldn’t let me go, and I felt extremely pressured. Thankfully some guards managed to get the doors open – I don’t know what would have happened if they hadn’t.

“The world has made sex so common, so cheap… We should begin to value sex and the emotions it brings far more”

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Despite this, I don’t regret any of these experiences but I also don’t think I would have been “missing out” if they hadn’t happened. I’ve learnt that I don’t need to kiss or impress a guy or a girl to feel good about myself. I’m happy with the way I am. I respect my body and I don’t feel the need to go and experiment, exploit, or use it to gain some sort of social acceptance. I’m adventurous, I’m spontaneous, I’m intuitive and I’m even sexy. I don’t need anyone telling me I’m all those things because already I know I am.

That’s not to say I’m not looking for a partner. If the right guy happened to turn up tomorrow, I’d be perfectly happy with that!  What I’m saying is, I’m not going to just date or sleep with the first guy I like to make myself feel accepted. I’m not perfect, but I’m determined to abide by my own values, and if one of those values is waiting until my wedding day to sleep with the one I’m totally hopelessly in love with, then so be it.

The world has made sex so common, so cheap. It’s actually scientifically proved that when you make love to someone, your emotions and souls connect, you become unified in a way. We should begin to value sex and the emotions it brings far more. But ultimately it’s about choice. Stick to your own ethics.

So, I would say to other girls/guys out there, stop and think. Don’t condemn yourself for the things you have or haven’t done. Think about who you are. You don’t need other people to make yourself feel complete, you are complete already. Just be confident in your decisions and embrace them whole-heartedly. Your sex life is your choice and no one should tell you otherwise.

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  1. Belle
    March 24, 2017 at 10:18 am

    “It’s actually scientifically proved that when you make love to someone, your emotions and souls connect, you become unified in a way.”
    I would love to see a source for that…
    Value you’re v card if you want, but don’t play the moral high ground or bring quack science into it. Like you said, it’s a choice, some people made a different one to you, and that’s ok. The choice that you made is also ok, and it’s great you’re happy to talk about it; if more people did maybe less girls/young women you feel pressured into something they later regret.

  2. Esquire
    February 11, 2017 at 1:27 am

    It’s actually a good feeling to know that there are still a good number of people with a strong will to keep theirselves, even with the amount of pressure in this age by peers to feel belonged.

  3. A
    December 7, 2016 at 8:40 pm

    I’m glad there are plenty of others who have the same thoughts as me. I am waiting for marriage to take that step with someone who will love me for me and not just because of how I look. It’s the same reason I choose to cover my body. I don’t need someone else to validate myself. I’m confident and happy by myself and will wait until the right time comes. Not the perfect time, but the right time!

  4. Petro
    October 18, 2017 at 12:17 pm

    I agree with this 100%. And I am a guy. I think sex is so cheap today and it is not special anymore.

  5. Pablo
    September 21, 2017 at 1:03 pm

    Sex is a dangerous game. Better to stay a virgin.

  6. Anonymouuus
    May 1, 2017 at 8:25 pm

    People should be able to be virgins without being judged for it. Everyone has a choice and i’m with you on that one.

  7. Anonymous
    March 28, 2017 at 9:12 am

    I think a lot of decency has been said. I agree with every point of this article and glad to know I’m not the only one with the same opinion 🙂

  8. rashmi kumari
    December 1, 2016 at 12:25 pm

    I think you’re right! We should always think about our own happiness in ourselves first

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