Sex Horror Story: How My BF’s Mum Found Out I Was KinkyFebruary, 06, 2017
It’s never not awkward when you or your partner’s mum finds out their ‘baby’ is having sex. But the way that my boyfriend’s mum finally figured out her son may have lost his V-plates, (which had actually been MIA for a while) was utterly humiliating and put me in a really awkward position…
It’s a moment that arises with everyone who has lost their virginity while living at home. While your parents may have spoken to you or given you books about sex as a kid, they didn’t really comprehend the fact that you’d be taking all that information and putting it into practice one day. Luckily I have two older siblings, so my parents weren’t overly shocked – my mum gave me the usual ‘stay protected, don’t get pregnant’ line and that was that. But it was a different scenario in my boyfriend’s house, however.
My boyfriend’s mum is possibly the most caring, thoughtful person I’ve ever met and much too innocent to have two teenage sons. My boyfriend (let’s call him Adam) once told me how he’d watched his mum knock over his bedroom bin, only for an avalanche of white tissues to spill out onto the floor. His mum, being the kind person she is, apologised and tidied up the mess. One handful at a time. Let’s just say Adam wasn’t suffering from the flu that week.
“It would be an understatement to say I was mortified. I honestly would rather her have found a condom or caught us half-undressed.”
Thankfully, she never asks Adam to keep the door open when we’re in his room, innocently assuming that we’re watching Netflix without the ‘chill’. I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised if she thought we were having pillow fights when the bed made those unmistakable creaking noises. That aside, I’d always had a surprisingly cute relationship with Adam’s mum, being called “hun” and “love” and getting hugs before I left.
Then, one evening, the bubble burst. Adam and I were chilling (actually chilling this time) in his room, when his mum came in with an armful of washing. She put the pile down on his chair and said, “Oh, by the way Charlie, you left something here last time you were around. Don’t worry, I’ve, um, washed it.” My eyes darted to the chair and there, lo and behold, was my underwear. But not just any underwear – my black, lacy and extremely revealing (but surprisingly comfy) Ann Summer’s lingerie. You know the kind, the full-body type used on nights when you want to impress. And there it was, folded neatly on top of the pile.
It would be an understatement to say I was mortified. I honestly would rather her have found a condom or caught us half-undressed. She walked back out of the room, avoiding my eyes, while my cheeks burned red and Adam stifled a laugh, half amused and half embarrassed that his mum had found out he’d been having sex and, by the looks of things, kinky-dressed-up-in-lace-and-suspenders kind of sex. Not my finest moment.
Knowing that I was doing two person push-ups with her son, Adam’s mum started acting really weird around me. She was by no means hostile, but I couldn’t help but feel like I’d tarnished her view of me.
The small talk between Adam’s mum and I was pretty uncomfortable for a while and I was reluctant to be left alone in a room with his parents. When they drove me home most nights, it always felt like the longest car journey of my life. There’s only so much you can say about school and the weather.
However, for anyone who is currently going through a similarly embarrassing situation, rest assured that a few months down the line the awkwardness slowly but surely drifted away. While Adam and I are still being as discreet as we can about our sex life, it’s kind of nice knowing that we’re not hiding anything from our parents anymore. Although I do take extra care now not to leave anything potentially embarrassing behind. Adam’s mum and I may be close now, but we’re not going to be that as we were for a good while.
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