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Articles > Relationships November, 07, 2017

Escaping The Friend Zone: Why You Should Date Your Friend

Alina Tosun
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If you’re reading this, then you probably have a friend in mind that is currently residing in the friend zone, trying to break out. Right now, if you imagined walking hand in hand, kissing in the empty corners of shopping centres, spooning and talking about your future, your immediate reaction would probably be: ‘No way! They’re just a mate!’

Well that’s what I thought before I started dating and fell in love my best friend of three years.

Friends that are dating

“I’m dating my best friend, and here’s why…”

Before that, the closest I had got to ‘feeling love’ was when I was reading The Notebook. Just like many people I couldn’t imagine falling in love with the person who I had shared every odd, weird, dirty secret with, constantly joked around with and even discussed exes with. However, now I see that this is what makes our relationship that much more special.

So, if you’re stuck on the fence as to whether to take things further with your friend, here are some things to think about to help you decide:

YOU TRUST THEM

This is probably the most important factor. You can be totally open with them as you’ve known each other for a while and shared many secrets together, secrets you wouldn’t share with anyone else. So if you can already talk with them about anything and everything, you already know that, if in a relationship, they will listen to you and keep your secrets no matter what.

YOU’VE ALREADY SPENT SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER

You’ve shared so many moments, laughter, happiness, fears and sadness. They know better than anyone else what makes you happy or sad, what your favourite music is and your favourite food, what makes you angry, and much more. They always know when you need a big hug and a large tub of ice cream when you’re feeling down. From spending so much time together, you’re not only entirely comfortable around them, but you both know how to read each other like a book. You also know that they’ll always set time aside for you.

YOU LOVE EACH OTHER’S CHARACTERS

If you didn’t love their personality and vice versa, you guys wouldn’t spend so much time together. This should reassure you that, were you to take your relationship to the next level, it wouldn’t be a purely physical thing. You know that, if the two of you make it to 80 together, in a relationship or not, you’ll be perfectly happy sitting on your front porch, playing bridge, enjoying each other’s company.

YOU ACCEPT EACH OTHER

The best part of being best friends is the acceptance and support. Just knowing that, no matter what, they’ve got your back, they’ll fight your corner and they’ll be there at the end of it all. Why? Because they know your pasts, your mistakes and you’ve accepted all of this without judgement. To be honest, this can be hard to find in another person, making your best friend truly special.

Also, they don’t care what you wear, they’ve already seen you in your ratty t-shirt and those sweats that you’ve worn for three days straight. Regardless of what you wear, they always see your personality shining through. Somehow, they always manage to see the best in you, even when you’re at your worst.

YOUR HISTORY IS NOT A SECRET

Being best friends, you’ve most likely been there for each other’s previous relationships. You’ve probably heard about their dating disasters, and likewise, they’ve probably heard about your crazy, annoying exes. This means you both have nothing to hide and don’t have to go through that awkward conversation about exes, but also, having complained about what pisses you off in a relationship, you both understand how to make each other happy.

No matter how strange it may sound, dating your friend is one of the best things you can do in life. They’re a person who likes you, cares for you is always there for you. A person who you can peacefully grow old together with knowing that you’ll always take care of each other.

Above all, they are someone who completes you and makes your life much brighter. Considering all of the points above, they will not only be a kind, understanding partner, they will remain your best friend as well. Someone who you still can share everything with, laugh at everything with and enjoy everything with. Could you ask for anything more?

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  1. Ena

    I truly believe the ONLY relationship that is sustainable and secure is a friendship one. Majority of relationships fall apart for the reason of the couple not being basic friends to start with. Being a friend to your partner is far more important than having to do what couples do when they are in love. Being a friend is forever. When you get old and your genitalia isn’t working anymore the only thing you have left is partnership and friendship with your old man/lady. World would be a better place if we all did appreciate the value of friendship and loyalty over physicality. Friendship is a base for any contact; it is fun, far more understanding and patient relation than just jumping into things and LATER figuring out you are not compatible. Friendship first, loving later. Save yourself time and energy. And teach your children the value of sharing.

  2. tav

    loved it

  3. winalyn persia

    I think it will be more good if you’re going to confront your friend and ask him/her if she/he has also same special feelings for you . that’s my opinion

  4. Chanelle

    Love the article completely agree.

  5. paula

    loved it !

  6. sera

    I think you shouldn’t force a relationship with anyone it will come automatically. If you are friend zoned there is a reason, maybe that person is not the one for you. Don’t let it make you feel bad about yourself.

  7. Kristina

    Dating a friend is definitely cool because you already know each other and you already appreciate yourselves, but what if your friendship is more valuable and it might get destroyed when you break up. Although I completely agree with the factors that friendship can imply to a relationship, if it is your best friend that is maybe the end of the friendship at all.

  8. Elle

    I have been close friends with this guy I know for over 3 years, I have even put him in the ‘friendzone’ since I had a boyfriend back then. But a year later, I decided to be with him since my last relationship was clearly abusive. This relationship with the guy I have known over 3 years, is now my best friend, boyfriend, and my whole world. We have been together for nearly 4 years now, and it’s going stronger than any of my previous relationships.

  9. Esther

    I think the friendzone isn’t necessarily something you get stuck in…if you’re in the friendzone it’s because your friend only see’s you as a friend and isn’t attracted to you, it sucks yeah but just be happy that you have them as a friend. you’ll find someone else, someone who actually is attracted to you

  10. Akshay

    I think this is an excellent article to read and can be helpful for a lot of people

  11. Josie

    I was in love with a friend once and I told her but she didn’t see me in the same way but we are even closer because of it and she understands me more! This is a great article!

  12. Afriyie Micheal

    Since I started dating my friend, I have been in a world of happiness. Dating a friend is better as you already know their behaviour, their character and lifestyle as well. I chose to date my friend because she knows what I want and what I don’t want. She understands me and knows my life style and vice versa.

  13. Esther

    I would agree because you know the person inside and out. Clearly they are loyal , caring and loving towards you, otherwise you wouldn’t have been friends for so long. However, it can be a dangerous move if something goes wrong in your relationship but hopefully unlikely to happen.

  14. ABI

    Yeah i totally agree. My relationships only lasted a week at most. But then I started dating my best friend who i have been with for over a month. We had been friends for 2 years and he knew everything about me, all the dirty secrets and stuff going on in my personal life. So when we started going out it just seemed right

  15. Jemma

    You make a good point but as someone who has dated a friend before I know that it doesn’t always work out. It can make breaking up difficult and can make a friendship that was meaningful a little awkward and lead to drifting apart. But I’m glad that it worked out well for you and hope you don’t lose that connection.

  16. Leena

    I think is a great and helpful article. Useful to May people

  17. Umayer

    One of my close friends is in the friend zone right now, this is the second time and i want to help her so this has been really helpful thanks 🙂

  18. Sarah

    Really useful article. I have been in the same situation for many months before I realised that I actually developed feeling towards my best friend over time. This article really made me think about bringing up this topic to my best friend and see if we have a future together…

  19. Tu

    I think this will really help me find that perfect one in the future. I now know that taking it step by step with someone who you have had a relationship with for years is the person I should consider staying with for the rest of my life.

  20. Mert Atay

    I fell in love with my best friend a few months ago and it literally changed my life. While we were just friends, I was only existing, but when I “escaped” the friendzone, I felt like “I’m alive!”
    When I realized, she is the most precious woman in my life, we were the best friends for almost 3 years. “No way!” I thought to myself, but then I realised that I can do anything and everything for her.
    Somehow, I found a part of myself in that article, I don’t know why, but it left me in tears.

  21. Tu

    Loved it ❤️!

  22. Nana

    I think dating a friend seems to be taking advantage of the fact you are already close to them as a friend. I’d love to date a friend because there is no need telling them who you are since you have no secrets to hide from them and most of their secrets are also known to you. Understanding each other when dating is key thus a friend understands you already and there’s no need to try convince them.Your relationship grows faster since there is already a link between you guys, in view of this I’d prefer dating a friend.