Break ups can be painful, messy, full of unwanted emotions and, let’s be honest, sexual frustration. But what happens when it’s complicated by grafting with strangers online?
Most of us at some point have had a tinder account, whether it’s for a bit of fun, to find your soul mate, or for rebound purposes. After my own break up experience, I used Tinder for the latter. Here’s what I observed whilst using Tinder as a cure for heart break.
1. Sometimes shallow judgment of others gets you through the day.
When you’re sat in bed at 3pm in your pjs wondering how anyone could ever find you attractive it’s comforting to examine other peoples flaws online. I’m not saying it’s a healthy habit but when you see very few positives in yourself it’s a harmless way to give yourself a little egotistical boost.
2. BEWARE: You might stumble upon your Ex’s new profile.
This is crushing! Even though you have an account yourself, it’s still torture thinking about what their interactions through the app are leading to. It opens a wound you’re trying to heal. Seeing their best photos and reliving your time together is brutal.
Tip: Although it’s difficult, swipe left immediately without flicking through their pictures or reading their bio. You’re better off not knowing what it says.
3. There are a lot of us out there.
It’s surprising how many people on Tinder seem to be using it to get over a break up. Their ways of doing this may differ but it’s reassuring to find out that you’re most likely in the same boat.
4. Know what you’re ready for.
Depending on how intimate your last relationship was you need to have a clear view of what you’re seeking out on the app. This is key because you don’t want to end up in a situation where you thought you were ready for something that you weren’t. I initially thought ‘to get over someone, you need to get under someone else’ but when placed in that situation I just ended up thinking about my last partner. Not a good experience for either party.
As well as knowing what you want from the app, you need to read between the lines of other people’s bios to get the best experience from your time on Tinder. We’ve all seen the not-so-subtle ‘here for a good time, not a long time’ bio but there are other more discreet ways of telling if someone is purely looking for a one night thing.Have a look at the Instagrams/Snapchats in their bio and see if they are posting more revealing photos etc. If this isn’t what you’re looking for, you’re wasting precious likes swiping them. Find out their intentions first to see if they match your own, you don’t want to be made to feel uncomfortable or vice versa.
6. Should I go on a date so soon after my break up?
In my experience, I found that dates were incredibly helpful. Instead of wasting time dwelling on my ex I was getting to know new people and finding common interests. After such a long relationship I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. Tinder gave me the opportunity to find out what I liked and disliked, giving me a boost of self confidence and the ability to recognise where my values lay. The beauty of Tinder is that if you don’t want that second date, you don’t have to take it any further and can simply message them without any awkward interactions.. It’s like trial runs, maybe you’ll be caught out and find someone special. Who knows?
Whether what you want is a single night of passion or someone to fill the emotional void, Tinder is a decent way to begin to heal a broken heart. Just remember that self care as well as sharing and recognising your situation for what it is are all really important too.