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Articles > Relationships April, 22, 2020

How to Escape a Controlling Relationship

Kayleigh Mcallister
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In the UK domestic abuse will affect 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men in their lifetime. This may not always be physical abuse, but also mental and emotional abuse – and for some, we may not even realise we’re in an abusive relationship until we take a step back.

These toxic situations or feelings of being trapped will likely become amplified in the current Coronavirus pandemic. The BBC reports that domestic abuse calls have increased by 25% since the lockdown started. But the important thing to remember is that you’re not alone and support is available.

Feeling Numb

I think I’m too nice to people sometimes, letting people stay In my life when they don’t really need to be there, giving people too many chances, allowing them to make me unhappy – even depressed. This is a statement I’d repeat to myself time and time again, but for some reason it never registered in my brain. 

When you’re trapped in an unhappy relationship, it’s a feeling that I cannot even begin to explain. It’s almost as if you want to give up because you’ve become numb to the hurt. It becomes easier to agree with that person than to have yet another argument.

Your Voice Matters 🔉

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, nothing is their fault – it’s always yours! You will never win an argument – so why try? You’ll never come out on top.

A narcissist will try and control every aspect of your life including: your relationships with your friends and family, what you do, where you go and even how you feel. And when this is taken away from you, you begin to feel invaluable, that your decisions and emotions don’t count. You’re almost scared to cause a disruption because you know the outcome will never be in your favour. This is when you no longer feel like a person, but a shell.

Don’t let them do this to you! You are much stronger than you think. Don’t let someone walk over you like you’re nothing! You can do this, and even if you feel alone, you’re not! You’re definitely not! You can get through anything someone throws at you, especially that of someone who has very little regard for you.

Be Strong 💪

What I’ve learnt through my experience is that the first step is always the hardest – saying no! Or saying I’m doing this because I want to! I’m not going to lie it is scary, but once you make that first step, the rest becomes easier. But, you must remain strong.

They may try to sweeten you round by apologising and providing false promises that they’ll change. You may feel a temptation to believe them, but DON’T! They won’t change. Or if they do, it will be maybe for a few days, but not permanently.

Final Thoughts

Just keep telling yourself the reasons why your unhappy and the reasons your walking away – it makes the walk that bit easier. You can rebuild your life, rediscover who you are and find someone who truly cares and wants to be with you for all the right reasons – not the wrong ones.

 


Support

If you or a loved one is affected by an abusive relationship, there is support available to you. Whether you simply want to talk confidentially or need further aid, these are some of the UK charities here to help:

  • Living Without Abuse – advice and support for anyone suffering from domestic abuse
  • Refuge – advice and support to women experiencing domestic violence
  • Women’s Aid – a wide range of resources to help women and young people
  • Respect Men’s Advice Line – a confidential helpline for all men experiencing domestic violence by a current or ex-partner
  • ManKind Initiative – information and support to men who are victims of domestic abuse or violence
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  1. Hannah

    I think this article covers all basic points but is well worded to not to be too harsh. It also deals with myths and assumptions that domestic abuse isn’t always physical but can come in other forms. I think this is really important because this is a very common misconception. Well written article.

  2. Erin

    I think that this article hits the key points of worries people would have when wanting to leave an abusive relationship. All the support links are great for help.

  3. Meghan

    I think…this is amazing and so honest. As someone who has experience of this I cannot appreciate this enough and tell you how much this means to me and so many others who suffered from this.

  4. Jessica

    I think that we may not always be aware of the danger of the situation, especially if the abuse is emotional rather than physical, but this could have an even greater effect because wounds can heal but it can be more difficult to become yourself again and start to feel happy and loved by others. It is important that people suffering with any type of abuse try their best to escape it.

  5. jess

    I think.. this is an amazing article for those who need that extra bit of help in such a toxic relationship. not everyone knows how to cope but this gives some amazing advise ! x

  6. lilly

    I think…this is such a good article and it will be so helpful for lots of women in a toxic relationship x

  7. Yohanes

    I think controlling of relationship is important, this is make we care about another and the feeling. not make sad another but happy for all.