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Articles > Relationships April, 19, 2021

Toxicity, a beautiful thing

Jayne Mulindi
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It’s not a rare sight to see various quotes about toxicity every now and then, especially now that we’re growing up. I mean, almost everyone has a story about a toxic person they once encountered who left them with a permanent lesson etched in their minds, I’m not an exception and high chances are neither are you.

So what is toxicity? Google says “very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way”, for example, a toxic relationship. In many cases, it’s usually, but not limited to, a romantic type of relationship or friendship. There are different ways to identify a toxic person, different red flags that in most cases are quite obvious, but we’re somehow blinded enough not to see them when they first appear.

Manipulation 

A toxic person will have a tendency of manipulating the people around them to get what they want. They benefit from the imbalance of power between them and the victim. Manipulation includes lying, leaving out information, bending the truth, etc, so as to get a certain reaction or influence people to have a certain opinion of them.

Lack of boundaries

A healthy relationship includes trust and respect. Your boundaries should be respected by the people around you. If you say you don’t like to eat apple pie, no one should force it down your throat! If a person insists on disrespecting your boundaries, they are toxic

They don’t make you feel good

How people make you feel about yourself is very important. If more times than not a person leaves you feeling negative about yourself, that is one of the most alarming red flags. Your self esteem is so important and should be one of your biggest priorities. A person that is a threat to your self esteem should not have the priority of having your presence in their life.

These are just a few red flags to look out for….

As strange as it may sound, toxic people are a blessing in disguise. Now, in no way am I encouraging toxicity, I’m encouraging us to see the beautiful side of it. Think of it like this, how would you know you deserve better if you never experienced what you didn’t deserve? How would you know that you can pick your own pieces up if you were never broken to begin with? How would you appreciate the happiness you feel, if you never experienced sadness? 

I’d like to hope that most, if not all of us, who have been victims of toxic situations have managed to see past the pain and identify the lesson. It takes immense strength to pull yourself out of a toxic situation and realise that you deserve better, and once you tap into this strength, it doesn’t easily go away. You learn to identify and remove yourself from toxic people and situations . A quote that manages to encourage me every time I think about it is, “You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have” ~ Bob Marley. It may not seem fair to have to learn lessons by going through painful situations, but when has life ever been fair? Remember, diamonds are made from pressure!

For those who are still struggling to pull themselves out of toxic situations, you are worthy, you matter, you are loved and I believe in you! I hope you manage to tap into your inner strength soon!


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